As much as we want life to be fair, being blindsided and betrayed is par for the course of the human discourse.
We’re going to get tested and tried in ways we can’t even imagine. In this week’s episode, we look at a colossal betrayal. Joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery. His crime? Daring to dream he was a leader.
In this post, we’ll highlight a few of the lessons from the show for you.
Blindsided and Betrayed
Let’s start with a brief rundown of the story in Genesis 37 starting with verse 18. This sets the tone for the betrayal that blindsided Joseph.
For starters, Joseph knew he was not liked by his brothers. The teasing and push-back was plenty evident. Yet, Joseph opted not to stoop on their level and return the favor. He decided to check in on his siblings to make sure they were OK.
We can speculate all we want about the motives and the circumstances, and they all make for great fiction. All we know for sure, Joseph had no clue that his brothers were plotting to kill him.
I’m sure if he knew of the plot, he would have made different plans and arrangements to live that day.
The Blindside
Traumatic events rarely ever announce themselves. They don’t seek permission and don’t come at times when we’re most able to handle them.
Hence why they’re called “blindsides”.
They catch us where we least expect to be hit. It exposes weaknesses we didn’t know we had. It causes discomfort we had no idea we could feel.
Examples of blindsides
The most popular examples of being caught off-guard are situations that involved infidelity. We tend to feel we didn’t see these come. Nor should we have to expect them to come our way either.
Other types of blindsides are from random life events we don’t plan for. It could be something as straightforward as rain damage from a massive storm to the theft of our wallet when we were out with friends.
We could get a bad grade that was not expected, we can hear news that we’re going to have a child unexpectedly, we could find out we’re offered a job opportunity out of town that was not expected.
Being blindsided is not good or bad… but just is…
We complain more about the “bad” type of blindsiding. The situations we just didn’t expect that causes damages to our standard of living.
However, we often discount the “good” type of blindsiding and chalk it up to good luck or good fortunes.
In either case, if we’re not able to adapt to the unexpected, it can leave us winded and worse off.
In Joseph’s case, his life was radically changed by his visit to his brothers. Nothing about his life returned to any semblance of normal.
Some situations blindside you so radically hard, you’re transformed permanently. This transformation doesn’t have to be a bad thing. However, nothing says this change will be easy or comfortable either.
When Betrayal is the blindside
One of the most painful forms of being blindside is the one that involves betrayal by those closest to you.
The erosion of trust, the emotional carnage, the layers of complexities are massive.
It’s bad enough that you’re in a difficult situation, but now, the persons you’re most likely to turn to for support is the very person who caused this difficulty.
Think about it. Joseph understood that his big brothers had his back. Everyone wants to know that they have someone bigger and stronger protecting their back. It gives you a pep in your step.
Now, you’re facing a life and death situation… created by the very people who should be protecting you.
That’s like a double dose… a double whammy… a double blindside.
Why violation of trust hurt so much
We’re social creatures. No matter how much we prefer to do things by our selves.
Studies after studies of the benefits of social networks demonstrate that we perform better when we’re supported by positive people.
Just think of how much a child tries harder when they see their parents cheering. Or, how a home team works harder when they’re in front of their home crowd. Or, how you feel when your friends and family are there at your graduation ceremony.
Whenever trust is broken, the very foundation of social discourse is challenged and broken. When our trust in our loved ones is shattered, the pain is not only deep, but the view of the world also shifts.
If you can’t trust your siblings, parents, relatives, who then can you actually trust?
Those are the questions that must have rattled Joseph’s mind as he faced his brothers as they attempted to cause him untold harm.
When Blindsided
When we’re caught off-guard, our fight-flight system kicks in to save us. We don’t do a lot of thinking. The primary goal of the system is to get us out of harms way and towards safety.
In this mindset, one can often make bad decisions. We can easily over-react and feel justified. We want retribution, revenge, and a whole host of other feelings.
What’s wrong with fighting back?
The real issue is simple. We aren’t usually fighting for our lives. Think about it this way, if a lion sprung out from a bush, our flight-fight system is very skilled at moving us quickly out of the way and towards safety.
If a fire breaks out in our home, we’re pretty good at getting out of there in a hurry.
That’s the advantage of this fight or flight system. If we’re facing harm, we can quickly respond and get out of danger.
You don’t need to think about how to fight off a bully. You don’t need to think about how to run away from a gunman.
You just do.
The problem, in this modern world, is that most situations do not require a fight-or-flight response.
That email from your boss that landed unexpected work does not need a massive urgent response. The gossip that embarrassed you does not require a massive urgent response. Even if they feel like they do.
When we over-react, we create more issues than is necessary.
Box Breathing
One of the quickest ways to calm down in a situation that feels like a crisis is box breathing.
What is box breathing?
Inhale deeply through your nose to the count of 3–5 (depending on your lung capacity) Hold your breath for 3–5 seconds (based on your health abilities) Exhale through your mouth to the count of 3–5(depending on your capabilities) Hold your breath out for 3–5 seconds (based on your health abilities)
Rinse and repeat a couple of times… as in 3–7 times to start to get the calming effects.
This practice has many variants out there. The whole point is to get you to pause just long enough to calm down enough to start thinking straight and acting in a way that is consistent with your desires and values.
This could be the difference between running into harms way, if someone is tempting you into a fight, and walking away and not getting shot.
This could be the difference between road rage and avoiding being on the news as a crazed driver.
This practice doesn’t mean you don’t make a choice and act. It only allows you enough time to make a choice instead of reacting to a circumstance.
But, who really does this?
Let’s just say, there are many people in this world we count on to make sane rational choices every single day in situations that are emotionally very intense.
Just think about flight controllers. We can’t have them telling airplanes where to go under a hot collar. We need them cool, calm, and collected. They have to stay focused and calm. Planes and lives depend on this.
If they can learn to think clearly and calmly under heavy emotionally tense situations, so can we.
Conclusions
In the show, we learned how to find a calm position in the midst of a crazy storm. It is not easy, but it’s a skill that can be learned and perfected.
When blindsided by life and betrayed by loved ones, we have a simple choice that will shape all the decisions we need to make after the initial event.
We can decide to be weighed down by the unexpected and give up or we can decide to face the unexpected and find a way to get through it.
The rest of our choices will be influenced and colored by those two choices. Many consequences will cascade down from those two choices. Having the wisdom to know which to make and how quickly to make it is the whole reason to have a healthy relationship with your mindset
A healthy relationship with your mindset
You’re capable of making good choices, no matter how blindsided or how betrayed you’re feeling.
You can remain calm and get the support you need to push through.
Just because the future has been shifted doesn’t mean there is no future. You’ve got the abilities to adapt, learn, pivot, and go with the flow or change the course of your future.
You’ve got the option to let your emotions overrun you or you manage your emotions. This doesn’t mean not to feel emotions. Quite the opposite, you need to know what you’re feeling to be able to navigate through them more easily.
Past experiences have created your current experience. It only informs you about how you do what you do. The past does not create your future unless you agree to it. The future is not yet decided.
What you do today will create the future you’ll have tomorrow.
While we can’t control a lot of things, we need to make sure we remain in control of what we can… our responses to life.
We can’t change our feelings but we can change our responses regarding our feelings and circumstances.
When blindsided and betrayed, find your cool and calm and lead your choices from that clear-minded position.
Until our next episode, stay cool calm and collected. Look forward to reading your comments.