Nothing gets a person more flustered then the drop in energy that comes from interacting with dream-stealers.
What?!?
Yeah. You’re all excited because you’ve got this brilliant idea, waiting to crush the goals that will allow you to reach the dreams, and someone comes and shatters the dream.
“I got this amazing idea that’s going to be super awesome!!” you nearly shout.
“Oh yeah? But don’t get too excited, it may not really happen as you think it will” they say.
“But I’ve not even told you the brilliant idea” you retort in hesitation.
“Great ideas are a dime a dozen. Don’t you know you need money to make money?” the console.
“But… but… can you at least listen tho?” you nearly beg.
“I guess…” they sigh.
This little dramatization may not be how it really happens, but the concept plays itself out way more often than you’d imagine.
The Dreamer
We all have amazing dreams. We all have amazing ideas. It’s part of being a curious creative creature.
Yet, as we grow older, dreams seem to get pushed to the side and fade. More dreams have been squashed by doom-sayers and fear than any other methodology.
In today’s episode, we touched on the dreams of Joseph.
Big Dreamer Joseph
As far as Joseph’s dreams were concerned, he was working in his dad’s farm when all of a sudden, the sheaves all bowed towards his.
The meaning was pretty clear to the listener. In the dream, Joseph seemed to have leadership attributes and everyone else were bowing to him in reverence. Just the kind of deference you give a monarch.
Needless to say, Joseph’s brothers were not at all pleased with that dream. Nor were they charmed by his second dreams where the stars seemed to bow to the brightest celestial being, himself.
There are many ways to approach the meanings to the dream. We’ll focus on the ones most related to the relationship we’re to foster with our mindset.
Beware of the crab mentality
Fishermen have long known that crabs and lobsters have this interesting habit of pulling each other down in their tanks.
Let’s paint a picture.
A fisherman has gone out and collected his pots filled with crabs/lobsters. As he places them in a holding tank, a few attempt to climb up the walls to escape.
Provided the tank isn’t filled to the tip top, an interesting happen. Every time a crab/lobster manages to pull themselves up and nearly escape, another crab/lobster will reach up, grab, and pull the escaping crab/lobster back down.
The process will repeat over and over with any different number of crabs/lobsters, with the same end results.
It’s as if the crabs don’t want anyone to escape the misery of the holding tank.
Don’t you dare leave the ‘hood…
Humans tend to do the same as well. Some call it a preservation technique. Whatever the concept, people tend to work hard to preserve the group norms. A normative bias we all have.
We protect the identity of our groups. We like our members to stay put within the group. We actively hold others back from changing the dynamics of the group.
While that may have worked well in agrarian and nomadic days, it’s not a smart way to thrive in an information age.
How does this look in the ‘hood?
Anytime someone elevates with a dream, many will hate on the dream. Just like in Joseph’s time, family and friends work hard to keep you in your lane.
“You’re a sell-out” some might yell.
“You’re not a team player” others will accuse.
“How dare you take their side?” a few will insult.
But let you come up with a great idea that others wish they could have had, they show their jealousy by convincing you that your idea is dumb.
If you watch close enough, many times, they will adopt your idea and take full credit for it. This often leaves people feeling betrayed and used.
When discussing big dreams
To preserve your mindset of success, one has to be careful and wise about who knows your dreams. Not everyone needs to know your dreams. Not everyone is qualified to know your dreams.
There is a time and place to share your dreams. Just like there is a time and place to put in the work to make your dreams come true.
You’ve got to protect your own mindset. When you’re given a dream of success, you’ve got to protect and guard it with all you’ve got.
If your parents don’t believe you can amount to much, but you’ve got the dream to be a whole lot, then, plans and details of your coming success should be cautiously shared around family.
Instead of saying… “mom, I plan to work for Intel by submitting this code I developed” when you know the script is for you to become a nurse… say something like “mom, thanks for helping me believe in myself and studying hard so I can have an amazing career”.
This example applies to a child going to college with parents who want to hear that you’re going to be a nurse no matter what. Give yourself a chance to live hassle free until you get to college… where the decision making process shifts into your court
The right team makes all the difference in the world
When discussing dreams about careers, a career coach is more qualified to help than friends who don’t even have a career in the works.
When talking relationships, sometimes it’s best to talk to relationship experts instead of your locker-room chat with egos on the line.
Some dreams should remain silent while you’re working on them. But, other dreams need to be shared to pull a tribe of support around you to ensure your success.
Knowing the difference is wisdom. Some of that wisdom is gained through experience.
Only you know best what kind of environment you have. Will your family support you? Will your friends support you? Did you seek out wise counsel? Have you prayed and/or meditated about your dream(s)?
Whenever you run into negative people who try to dampen your dreams… what do you do? (feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments at the end too)
The Nay-Sayers
Many people will project their insecurities on you and your dreams. They will plot to destroy your dreams, if not you.
Joseph’s brothers were so angry they bullied him, tormented him, and plotted to kill him.
If your dreams has your family trying to kill you, then you’ve got it as bad as Joseph.
It’s not always their fault that they’re mean. They may not know better. They may have perfected this anger to survive.
But you’re not like them. You’re a dreamer. You’ve got potential and you know it.
It’s easy to sit here and type the words “get away from the nay-sayers” but reality isn’t this easy. Especially when the people hating on you the most is your family, church, neighbors, and teachers.
Whenever possible, do actually minimize your contacts to nay-sayers who try to rob you of your dreams.
However, to boost up your mindset, do your research and due diligence. Ask questions. Is there any validity to their claim?
“There is no way you can make a fortune as an immigrant” a parent once told their child who had dreams of being a social media influencer.
Is that claim accurate? Where’s the proof? Can you find proof? Can you counter their claim?
“I did some online research. Did you know that a lot of the billion dollar companies we use today were started by immigrants and were developed by immigrants?” says your research.
If the claim that your dreams can’t happen is without basis, meaning there is proof that it won’t work, then shift your approach.
Note: Please understand. Just because you can’t find an example that it’s been done before doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Before the iPhone arrived, no one thought you could merge an MP3 player with a PDA and a mobile phone. But, today, we can’t do without a smart phone.
Relationship with your mindset
What story do you believe to be true? Your dream or their reasons why your dream isn’t valid.
It’s hard, especially when very young, to understand the value of our dreams and holding them despite criticism.
However, let’s leave you with a few thoughts.
God has made you in His image, the bible states. We’re empowered with a creative mind. We’ve got years of experience overcoming many obstacles. From the minute we attempt to control our arms to when we learned to walk to when we managed to read and write. We overcame the seemingly impossible. Because we’re designed to thrive.
When people rain on your dreams, you’ve got to decide for yourself if your dream is worth holding on to.
Chances are good, you should.
Dreams come in all shapes and sizes and become whatever they will become. It may take a few days, weeks, years. If we stick to the journey, we’ll see just how well our dreams can become a reality.
note… the way a dream plays out in real life may be different than in our initial dream land
Learn to cherish your dreams. Learn to empower them. Learn to wisely chose what dreams to chase and what dreams to put on hold.
The key being… you make the decision for yourself. After you’ve done your due diligence.
Others can help you find relevant information. No one can make the choice for you. Even though others can make life extremely difficult so the dreams won’t come true.
If someone decides to break your bones to prevent you from reaching your dream of running a marathon, you can’t control that. It’s the randomness of life. However, don’t let the possibility of randomness prevent you from going for your dreams.
Mindset shift
Your dreams are a gift to you. They’re given to you to see how well you can grow into your dreams.
The teen dreaming of college won’t know what it takes to have a degree until he goes through the process. She won’t know the rewards of confidence without the journey of pursuit.
Dreams are views into the possible. As one quote once said… the dream is free but the hustle is sold separately.
No matter which way you cut a dream, when you step into the possibility, you start to influence others to step up to their dreams.
Others will follow and gain inspiration from you chasing your own dreams, no matter how big or small they are.
The beauty of a dream is that it helps you and those who are around you. The ones who opt to block you, well, their loss in the long run.
Please, get yourself the right network of support and advice. With the right circle, you can fine tune any dream and increase your odds of success. With the wrong circle, you almost ruine any chance of reaching your dreams.
Lastly, every generation of mankind has had to deal with dreamers and those who hate dreamers. You’re not alone at all. Welcome to humanity.
Will you let the crabs/lobsters pull you back, or will you leverage the resources around you to be lifted out of the tank so you can join the eagles you’re meant to fly with?
What is it that you’re trying to achieve that’s a big dream? What support would you need to make the dream a reality?
Feel free to share your thoughts openly in the comments below (or on Facebook and/or Instagram at @CEOSofthefamily). Anything we can do to help, we’ll gladly do.
Live the dream. Make it a reality!